When forgiveness is easy to give out, but hard to accept

Do you have a special place you pray most? A secret place you can creep away to? Mine is my shower…or even just the bathroom in general with it being the only door in our house with a lock. ūüôā

Several years ago, I discovered the power of my bath rug as my prayer mat and the side of the tub as my altar. I’d lay my forehead against the cold tub edge and pour out my heart…often while someone was beating on the door or sticking little fingers under it.

I have a terrible habit of wanting to run away from stress. When noises grow and grow, and I can’t hear myself think. When everyone is just driving me crazy and pushing their demands, my nature wants to push back and shove everyone away. To go away by myself. Not really to re frame. Not to come back better. Maybe to cool down, but not in a productive way. I just want quiet. I just want “me time.” This doesn’t count for everyone at all, but in my life, the “need” for some “me time” is a really big lie the world has told me I HAVE to have to go on.

The truth is, I need some Him time. It may sound a bit cliche, but it’s true. Because the reason I need to break away in the first place is sin that usually looks like selfishness. I want to do what I want to do. They want me to do what they want. Conflict happens, and I end up mad. As that conflict fades into the day, the sin doesn’t. Then, I walk through my day with mud on my boots. It tracks all over every word, every thought, every decision. Even if I have cooled down and apologized for maybe using my scary mommy voice (come on, you know the one), I still haven’t been cleansed of that sin without confessing it to Him.

Sometimes, the hardest part of it all is to give myself the grace. I shouldn’t have said that. I should have been more compassionate. Why am I not more compassionate??

Then in steps a prince. The Prince of Peace..maybe a mama’s favorite name for Christ at times. Jesus reminds me gently that He is also the Intercessor.¬†That He stands before the throne of a Holy and Mighty God and reminds Him that I am covered no matter what Satan tries to accuse of me. That I was bought at a price and paid in full. That..it doesn’t matter. It doesn’t matter what I have said today or what I did or felt. That my¬†repentance¬†is needed for an ever growing relationship, but that He’s got this. He’s got me.

He’s got you too, ya know?

But sometimes, as Intercessor, He isn’t standing between the Throne and Satan in defense of your spirit… that sometimes, He’s standing between the Throne and YOU in defense of your spirit. Satan doesn’t have to work to throw us under the bus if we’re still lying there from defeat ourselves.

Let’s live out grace today, for others and ourselves. Don’t force Jesus to stand up against you for what He’s paid for, even if it’s for your own self! Find a secret place. Keep a clean heart that stays in communion with Him. And, turn to give yourself some grace, friend. He loves you more than you know.

Image courtesy of Natara at FreeDigitalPhotos.net

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