Repost from an old post…on time, that I don’t have, and passion that I still want

I saw something today that reminded me of this post on my old blog from a year ago.  I smile at the words because at the time, I wasn’t aware that my word for the coming year would be “love.” It is interesting how often the Lord begins something within us as a flame deep in our hearts that grows into a zealous passion for Him and His children.  I should keep this in mind so so much more often than I do.

“I haven’t blogged in awhile. You know what I don’t have? Time. I have no time, and yet, i continue to spend my valuable little time that I do  have on things I can’t afford. I am forever living in a state of time-debt. This morning, I did a very rash thing and mentioned casually to my eldest that maybe we could go to the mall today. Bad idea. I didn’t really have the time, you see. I still haven’t finished this week’s laundry and since my in home Bible study is on a break, apparently my house cleaning is too…or at least that’s what it currently looks like. But I said it, they heard it and ran with it, and I should probably keep my word. Let your yes mean yes and no mean no? sigh.

So everything is thrown into crazy mode as I attempt to ready myself and three littles to leave the home. One of which is crying, one is hurt, and one is mad about something. Then they switch so that another is crying, another is hurt, and another is mad. That’s pretty much how all outing attempts have gone thus far. Anyway, as we’re walking out the door, the 30% chance of rain came and it started pouring. We’re finally all in the car, only for me to realize that I didn’t even LOOK at my two oldest children (who dress themselves) and Story is wearing a shirt (I couldn’t even tell you which one), silver and fur boots, and black legging capris. ….

I don’t have time for this.

I RUN back into the house, half-annoyed and half-relieved that the basket of (luckily folded) clothes belonging to them is still right on the kitchen table. I grab jeans, RUN back to the car in the pouring rain and dress the slowest moving child I’ve ever seen. I don’t have time for this. We go to the mall, look through things..they want to go look at the baby dolls which means play for 30 minutes.

I don’t have time for that.

We walk down the mall for the first time in months because we’ve heard there are Christmas decorations. As we near the center lobby, there’s a HUGE Christmas tree and an empty throne chair waiting for Santa soon and the girls are staring. Meanwhile, my eye catches something else. A modest tree, tucked behind everything else, covered in paper. It’s the Salvation Army Christmas Angel tree, and my spirit says, “You do have time for this.” It’s COVERED. Covered in papers listing ages, gender, and sizes for children. Covered in nameless numbers with handwritten notes at the bottom that say things like, “learning toys. princess things. dora.”

And as I look through them all talking to my girls, I can’t help but think of a blog post I read this morning. A blog post I used some of my precious time that I didn’t have on, to be honest. I agreed with the blog post that spoke on modesty, but I honestly got pretty fired up about reading another post about the same old thing. It’s been in the back of my mind every second since I thought about it, actually. And I looked at these papers that do nothing to speak on the bigger topic of the hearts and souls of children. A little girl aged 4 years that loves princess and dora. A little boy, seven years old that wants a bike. A baby, that needs clothes and blankets and maybe some learning toys.

And darn it! We don’t have time for this!

We do not have time to argue denominations when twenty-seven million people are in slavery.

We don’t have time to argue until we’re blue in the face on whether or not a Christian should drink alcohol when there is an epidemic of orphans in our own country, state, city.

We don’t have time to talk about yoga pants in public when people are dying without love. Without a Father. Without knowing that it doesn’t matter. That clothing and arguing and hatefulness and all that junk are symptoms of a real heart condition.

I don’t have time. I really don’t! Life is fleeting. a vapor. I don’t have the time to look at another person and think about what they’re wearing unless it’s to form a compliment in my heart I really mean for them, or to assess a need that they may have. I don’t have the time to look at anyone else and broadcast a message that is anything but the love of Christ. I have spent too much of my life doing that. I am the walking poster child for legalism. I promise you that. But not anymore. Not if I can hate my own sin more than your’s. Not when I am struck right between the eyes with the hateful, malicious pride I have carried in my Christian heart for far too long. And not when Christ came down to. save. us.

We just don’t have time for that anymore.

We found some little girls on that tree that are the same ages as the girls and love some of the same things. I explained to my four year old that now had big tears pooling in her eyes that I can’t possibly afford to take every child’s card on the tree, but we could pray. We could pray that those children are taken care of. We could use our time to broadcast the message that others need us. We could do what we could for the few. So, we walked back to Target, to play with some dolls, wait out the rain, and shop for some nameless new friends.

For I decided that while I was with you I would forget everything except Jesus Christ, the one who was crucified. 2 Cor 2:2

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