We are one week into our summer break from school, and honestly, I feel like I’m waking up from a very long slumber. Things haven’t exactly slowed down completely. Our church activities are still in full swing, I’m still teaching, Lance is still playing and in school, and I’ve focused lots of energy into a new book. But, I’m waking up.
The biggest difference in our days has been the flip from school time to outside play time. I think those moments when all three girls are occupied and the youngest is safe and not attempting some death defying stunt from the ladder or trampoline, I have been able to sit and just…be. And that has made the difference. I’ve talked a lot about my “word of the year” through a Friday series, and this year my particular word is “renew.”
Here it is April, and that word has led me down so many paths already. My last word was “love” and it felt like swimming against currents in a raging ocean so often. This year, renew feels so different. It is like following a stream through a lovely forest, only to stop every so often wondering if you’ve gone too far into the forest to find your way out if necessary. It’s been illuminating and peace giving, while also unsettling and uncomfortable.
In the last few weeks, the Holy Spirit has been renewing my marriage and relationship with my children. (Read that: the Spirit has been renewing my own heart and attitude toward them.) Creeping over to that inviting stream and gazing down at the reflection looking back at me hasn’t been easy to swallow each time, but each time I travel further down that path and creep back over, the reflection is less unsettling. The girl in the reflection looks more peaceful, with kinder eyes and a more loving disposition the the reflection I saw on the beginning of the journey. And maybe that’s why I keep on this path, though it’s taken me into some frightful areas and made me so uncomfortable at times…I want to keep going when I know that with each new peak over that edge, the reflection will look less and less like the one before.
In this new season, I bypass all the constant lists and fears of what my child should be learning and whether she’s in the right place. Instead, I pull out an old recipe for blueberry buckle to surprise my hunny and let the girls run barefoot outside while it bakes. I bypass all the articles about current events or the newest hot topic, and instead, seek out old blogs I haven’t looked at in forever…blogs that make me want to learn to can my own jam and slow down my life. In this season, I skip over the to do list in favor of the grateful list, and add each day
- 456. muddy boots kicked off little feet
- 457. stepping over a sleeping dog
- 458. petals gone, green leaves there now
It’s an intentional season. A season of making choices and deciding that what I see and hear can be transformed mentally, before it hits my heart. I can choose joy. I can choose love. I can choose renewal.