Can I just be transparent for a minute and say in all honesty that the last several days have kicked my tail? Emotionally, not really physically. They’ve been heavy, not strenuous. Did you know days could be that way? I didn’t. They’ve been a slow burden, like someone has been slowly adding weight to something they’ve laid on my back for days. I won’t get into the details about it all, but suffice it to say that it’s no fun.
Then, this morning started. Mondays are actually our good day. We get to work after the three day weekend (in homeschooling when you’re still little, you can have three day weekends every weekend.) This morning, however, all my children woke too early. This always happens this time of the year. Too much inside time mingles with the daylight getting longer. Knowing that doesn’t make it any less annoying to me at 6:20 when I’m attempting to enjoy some time alone with God. Before 8:15, we had gum in hair (from yesterday? who knows), no one would eat the eggs and ham I made for breakfast, but apparently the dog did…because then he vomited it all over the living room floor. Now I have to shampoo carpets and have self-image issues about my cooking. Norah’s crying is more like Wednesday than Monday, and my children have hardly any clothes to wear because they’ve apparently crammed all the clothes they may have looked at into the dirty clothes hamper. also, my house is a WRECK.
you too? let’s breathe for a second.
this life is tough! TOUGH I tell you!
But, yesterday, we sang a song in church. It’s called This I Believe.
As I stood there singing and listening to those around me sing such bold faith, I was struck by it all. You see, just a mere four years ago, I no longer believed in God’s existence. I was terrified that my husband and I were pouring our lives out for something that may not be true. We were beginning a church plant that was sure to be an altar for our time and family to be laid upon, but what if we did it all only for it all to be untrue?? I had placed my belief so firmly in God’s people, and not God himself. They failed, I felt like He failed. If the power of this amazing God lives inside of them, why didn’t they look different? Why couldn’t they love better?
Praise Him for His faithfulness. Praise Him that He is strong enough to hold our frail faith and give grace after grace. Then, after He reaffirms our faith in Him, He is faithful to reaffirm our faith in His church. His people that are a work in progress, like our pastor specified again yesterday.
So, I stood there singing these truths with tears streaming down my face. I wasn’t just going through the motions, I believed it. And I was praising Him for holding me firmly even though I kept failing. I keep falling. I keep slipping. I keep losing my footing. and His Spirit whispered, “Heather, you keep RISING.”
I firmly believe that actions don’t have to change as much as heart perspectives. a small tweak of the heart changes everything. And He showed me that though we may feel like we just keep falling, we are forgetting about the part where we are rising afterward. No matter what happened this morning. No matter how you felt last night. No matter how you yelled or stumbled or messed it up. Don’t sell yourself short. You are a champion. You are a fighter. You are loved. His hand is faithful to pull you up and you will rise again. He promises.